what are you telling yourself? or...what you knew, but somehow forgot...

I was given some advice, not so long ago. It was:

"When you're feeling miserable, try to be aware of what you're telling yourself"

DO THIS.

When I do it, it blows my mind.

I come up with ALOT of creepy shit that is just ridiculous.

The idea is, to make yourself the outside observer of your own internal dialogue, and just to take notes.

I'm feeling cranky, irritable, mad at the world, nothing is going my way, and then... I slip into this
" obeserver mode " and look at what this constant smorgasbord of things I'm telling myself has to offer.

Well, it's along the lines of:

this all sucks.I'll never get this all done.I can't afford this. Only losers live in this neighbourhood/drive that kind of car/wear that. That person is a moron. Doesn't anyone know how to drive? People are fucking losers. . Look at this mess. I'll never get on top of this. What a mess! I have no friends. No one would want to hang out with you, anyhow! No one understands me. I can't handle this. It's all too much. I'll never measure up. Well sure, if I had that kind of body, I could wear that. Nothing looks good on me. All the dishes are dirty and I STILL have to start on the laundry. You're never going to paint that. You could try, but you'd do a shitty job. You suck.

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH fucking BLAH

How could any spirit flourish with that kind of bullshit being hammered down on it 24/7?

My greatest wish is to be an unflinching Polyanna.

Look on the bright side. Make it a game. Turn whatever brutal, negative, judgemental shit you were thinking into something...creative! twist it, turn it, until it's a look on the brightside.

Go ahead and gag, and say I'm full of shit, but if you try it...and break the habit...you'll LIKE IT!
and I honestly believe, I create my own reality, so I have nothing to lose...

And, I used to be good at this. But I lost my edge, 6 months ago, or so.
So this post is all about trying to get myself back on track.

What do I have to lose?

heh.